five year planning

So in school when I took Business Practices For Artists, I was required to make a five year plan to help me accomplish my goals in life. I did a mediocer job but my goals have changed a fair bit since then, when I was contemplating a masters and possibly even a PhD. I've put that goal away, atleast for now, it might come up some time in the future but I am only too happy not to be in school just now. Anyway I have made multiple attempts since graduating to make myself a new five year plan and I just haven't gotten very far. I don't know if you've ever made a five year plan but I find them hard, teadious and that almost anything seems better than working on one. This time though however, I am really going to do it.
This time I've been stopping to really think about what I want to do with my life, I don't want to waste time making goals and plans for things that just seemed like a good idea at the time. I have mountains of research and work ahead of me but slowly I will work my way through all of it. I will make this plan and accomplish my goals and move out of this transitory state between college and life.One of my goals that I'm really excited about is the Rome Prize. I hadn't counted on not being able to apply until I've been working for three years but hey, I suppose that just gives me time to make my work really awesome so that there's no doubt about who should get it. Me!

Snow and cathing up on international cinema

First off: it snowed today!!! And while you may rant and rave and holler, I was excited. I love watching snow fall, I love waking up to snow, I love snowy nights and the way the clouds seem lit up. I love snow. I'm not ready for the full impact of winter yet but I'm enjoying the snow while it's here. Soon enough it will melt and we'll go back to fall for another month or so. It will be alright you snow haters, it's not winter yet.
So I've talked about international cinema before and I bring it up again because I just watched a movie that they played that I didn't see then. Now that I'm back with a wonderful library system (not to down play the Harold B. Lee Library, but movie wise, this one's way better), I'm catching up on movies that I haven't been able to get my hands on before now. I'm watching movies that friends have recommended and movies that I missed when they were playing at International Cinema ( that happened pretty frequently, you needed pretty strong motivation to leave a warm apartment on a dark and chilly winter night to walk to campus to see a movie quite often by yourself). Anyway one semester they did something which I thought was really cool, they showed American movies that had been based off of foreign films and the films that they'd been based off. One week they showed Shall We Dance? and Shall We Dansu?, The Magnificent Seven and The Seven Samurai and possibly something else. I ended up seeing Shall We Dansu? and loving it so much that I walked out on Shall We Dance? Tonight I watched The Magnificent Seven and it was awesome! I just put the Seven Samurai on hold and I hope I can watch that soon.
I've been able to watch movies I missed or that I just wanted to see again. I really like it. It's exciting to go beyond the everyday American movies and to see other movies done another way.
In watching these movies I've noticed that Miramax seems to be connected with a lot of foreign films being made availible over here. I'm sure there are others that do it too but I thought that was interesting. Anyway, I guess I'll let you know as I find foreign films that I love.

Ode to Schluckwerder Marzipan

O marzipan, how I do love thee
soft and sweet almond paste that you are.
When covered in chocolate
a bite is bliss
The gold foil wrapping tells
that you are no ordinary candy.
Your German inscriptions
a sign of your quality and origin.
A serving is said to be half a loaf
(yes loaf!)
but there is still more joy in savoring bites day by day.

Cross Country

Yesterday I got to go cheer on one of my cousins in a cross country race. I didn't realize it but cross country isn't just a hard core sporting event, it can also be a hard core spectator sport. This was my first cross country race, so I don't know if it was typical of most but the race was in a park and meandered through the park with the spectators running up and down hills to cheer on runners as the passed through the middle area of their loops. The runners trained for this race but I did not and so I got a bit worn out doing so. It was fun to be able to see my cousin do something she loves. I have know idea how she did because I misunderstood where the finish was, I also don't really have much concept of how one is supposed to feel in a race of possibly a hundred participants but I say Good Job!

beauty

Do you think about beauty much? What does it mean to you? Is it merely a slim girl advertising something, a muscled man advertising something else? Is it those people in movies? Something you wish you were? A sunset, etc.?
I think about beauty a lot, as an artist it's something that I'm working to create, but maybe you would ask why? Maybe beauty isn't something that matters much to you, or perhaps something that you've become embittered about, or none of the above. I think there is a real need for beauty in our world, and when I say beauty I'm not just referring to physical beauty, that's important but there's so much more. There are the fall colors, flowers in spring, the beauty of a snowfall, and on and on. Beauty is important, think of living in a colorless world, of a world that was bleak and gray, always the same. It sounds depressing right? My friend watched a movie where I think all beauty and creativity were stifled, emotions were regulated by drugs. Thinking of a world like that made me want to cry and wonder what the point of living would be. We need art and beauty, physically need, it has a huge effect on us and I think we quite often take it for granted. I've noticed the power in my own life. A while back I bought this book on Albrecht Durer and his work because I really love his work; I noticed after looking through the book many times, that when I was stressed out (which happened often in college) I felt more calm after looking through the book. This instance may not seem very significant to you but to me it really proves how powerful beauty and art are.

International Cinema

So at BYU they have International Cinema where every week they play foreign films, usually three and it's free to go. Durring my time at BYU I watched several movies from different countries like Germany, Italy, England, someplace in the Middle East, China, Japan. I didn't love all of the movies I saw, but I did enjoy quite a few of them. It's interesting to watch movies from different countries, to see how similar or different their movies are and to get a glimpse at another culture. Last year I was in the Italian Club and they hosted movie nights twice a month so I got to see a lot of Italian movies Such as Ladri di biciclette (The Bicycle Thief(s)), Il Postino (The Postman), and Nuovo cinema Paradiso (The New Paradise Movie Theater). I've been able to see some movies that I never would have seen otherwise and that I love.
It's been fun now that I have access to a really good library system to be able to go back and find movies that I missed or just that I wanted to see again. I'm excited to watch a German movie that I missed called Mostly Martha, one semester they showed American movies that were based on foreign films, If you've seen No Reservations, it's based (so I'm told) on Mostly Martha, I'm going to watch both and see. Another time that semester some friends and I went to see the American movie Shall We Dance? which was based on a Japanese movie called Shall We Dansu/Dance? We watched the Japanese movie first and later walked out of the American version, what we'd come to see, because it wasn't anywhere near as good as the Japanese movie.
I found that when I found foreign films that I really loved, they seemed to be more enjoyable than American movies, they seemed more real and sincere, less commercialized than American movies however this might just be a perception, I doubt I'm qualified to make such a judgment after seeing some movies from several countries, it's probably just a sweeping generalization. I would urge you however to try out foreign films, you might be surprised by them.
Here are some that I like if you're interested:
Dear Frankie - Scottish with British Sign Language
Shall We Dansu/Dance? (I've seen it both ways) - Japanese
Vita e bella/Life Is Beautiful - Italian (This is possibly my favorite movie ever)
Il Postino/The Postman - Italian
Tokyo nagaremono/Tokyo Drifter - Japanese (I found this movie hillarious, a mix of James Bond with lots of go-go boots, but there's a lot about Japanese culture I don't understand and thus didn't get about this movie)
Nuovo cinema Paradiso - Italian
Goodbye Lenin - German
I know there are more but I can't remember what they are at the moment.

Shaping up

I have been slacking off of late, falling off from worthwhile pursuits and feeling pretty blah as a result. I am now ready to get my act together, whip myself into shape. I've started drifting and I don't like it. I don't want to be lost, so I'm working on finding myself again. The specifics on how this will be accomplished are still sketchy at present but they will be solidified. Without school or a more traditional job it's been fairly easy to slip into limbo, but limbo is not getting me to my goals, it is not where I want to be all my life, it's not even really where I want to be now so I believe a review of my goals is in order and then a plan on how to accomplish them. Okay, I think I'm done giving myself a pep talk. Go, fight, win and all that sort of thing.

Strawberry Swing

I thought that this video was really cool.

new books

In this post I was talking about books I was making and now they're done, so here are the pictures.

Incomplete, something is missing. A part of me is drifting out there somewhere, waiting to be discovered or found. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight..." searching through the stars, pouring over dreams, wondering what I'm trying to find. Reaching out there, stretching, for something just out of reach... what? Something on the melodies of a song, songs great important pieces and strains torn from tortured souls (?) Olly, olly in free! Come out, come out where ever you may be, don't be suborn like babysat children playing hide-and-seek. So close I can taste it, the name on the tip of my tongue, fleeting and gone, whispered on the wind and in the lunch room. Four hundred and ninety eight pieces to a five hundred piece puzzle. Still searching.

Both because pictures are needed to add some varitey and because it's getting to be the season, here are the cool pumpkins my family carved last year...I didn't carve any of these but please note the cool carved zuchini.

Letters From Rifika by Karren Hesse

This book is a children's book...about 10-14 I would think, so perhaps young adult is more accurate, but that doesn't mean that the rest of us can't enjoy it too. This is the story of a young Jewish girl who emigrates with her family to America, it's a very interesting book and I learned more about emigration in the early 1900s by reading it.

Sunday Afternoon Session

the mists of darkness descend on all, but there is an iron rod and we must cling to it
come unto Christ and be perfected in him
the church is true, Joseph and Hyrum drew comfort from it as they were going to their deaths
they died rather than deny their faith
by the power of God and not of man
hearken unto these words and believe in Christ
stewardships are a sacred trust
we are stewards over our minds, bodies, families, etc.
chastity and virtue
I cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance
we can't rationalize to God
he who has repented of sins is forgiven
are your priorities in the right place
we need to teach children that they are accountable for their time and talents
accountable to the poor and the needy
in all our stewardship efforts we follow Jesus Christ
go ye therefore and teach all nations...
lengthen your stride and enlarge your vision
prayers of years past are still being answered, God's time is not our time
read Preach My Gospel
I am with you always, even until the end of the world
for behold the end draweth nigh
the heavens are open
mighty change of heart
we shouldn't get casual or we'll revert back
endure to the end
zeal towards God
bury your weapons of war
are we sufficiently humble? etc.
don't become casual
keep the Holy Ghost as your constant companion
check up on yourself
there's so much at stake
do you find it easy to believe in the word of God?
remember the faith of our fathers
behold I will believe
I will give away all my sins to know thee
an easiness and willingness to believe will bring an out pouring of the spirit upon us
we can now understand the plan of happiness better than at any other time
there was the city of Enoch and they were taken up to heaven and there were the people that were so wicked that they were destroyed by a flood save Noah and his family, it should be obvious which group we want to be in
more discipline= choosing the right because it is right even if it is hard
loyalty and devotion to the father and the son
we should not leave our actions in the hands of enforcers
we would not accept the yoke of Christ, so now we tremble before the yoke of Caesar
they were men who were true at all times with whatsoever they were entrusted...
there must be constant teaching, mostly by example
we need knowledge of truth, of things as they really are
wickedness never was happiness
mere wanting is hardly a guide for moral conduct
we cannot presume that the future will remain as the past
ye cannot cross this great deep, save I prepare you...
I invoke the blessings of heaven upon you
...that we have no more disposition to do evil but to do good continually
we're all in this together

Can't wait for the conference edition of the Ensign to come out.

Sunday Morning Session

We share a desire to be better than we are, as long as we live
we can be like God
we always have room to improve, to be like the savior
I'm trying to be like Jesus... be as a little child
love is the guiding principle to be like Jesus
the family, to learn how to love as he loves
selfishness is the absence of love
pray for the love to ignore weaknesses etc.
the Savior is the perfect example of persisting in love
hold on to them with your faith
feeling the love of the Savior for you
look to be like Jesus
enduring in love to keep his commandments
I want to go back to the past way of viewing the future
the pioneers made beautiful the things around them
we must have a temple in our community
made the roof like a ship
used what they knew and made it work
need a working knowledge of principles and truths
follow the prophet
fundamental skills
becoming builders of the kingdom of God
the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true
let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly then shall your confidence wax strong in the sight of God
the 13th article of faith
virtue traits?
'ity' virtues
the world is largely morally bankrupt
perpetuate Christ-like values
need to be a good example
integrity is the mother of many virtues
the light of a disciplined conscience
dignity, honesty, and integrity are more important than revenge and rage
don't let them become the 'lost virtues'
we are expected to act with virtue
they had safety equipment, they just chose not to use it
we learn and grow by overcoming confidence (that's what I wrote but 'conflicts' would seem more appropriate)
Heavenly Father has not left us alone
prayer, scripture, etc. = our safety equipment, it's our choice to use them or not
hold to the iron rod and press forward
they are everything
ask and it shall be given you... we always need to be ready to receive heavenly help
we need firm faith and sincere desire
real intent, really follow through on the inspiration
study it out in your mind...
know and obey the relevant teachings and commandments
established pattern
change from a natural man to a devoted disciple
spiritual discernment
look for things that are uplifting and enduring
faith, hope, charity and love
culture = something that makes things better
...to them will I reveal all my mysteries...
line upon line, precept upon precept
...to him that receiveth I will give more
the eyes of my understanding were opened
living Christ, living church, living prophet
and what did you do for someone today?
by love, serve one another
man's greatest happiness comes from losing himself in the service of others
we spend too much time with the things that don't really matter
inherit the kingdom prepared for you...

Saturday Afternoon Session

love doesn't override commandments
for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son
God's laws are invariable
laws are to help us to advance and become perfect
blessings by obedience to the law
agency means that bad things happen to good people
talk is cheap, we need to back it up with actions
whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth
we need to be united
God loves
God and Jesus are one (just to clarify this doesn't mean that they are one being)
we are created in God's image
if any of you lack wisdom let them ask of God
the way to know of the truth of God is through the Holy Ghost
all things denote there is a God
your testimony will bless you and those around you
seek Heavenly Father
we are not alone
Heavenly Father wants to help us to return back to him
eternal life is to live with our Father and our families ever more
serve God with all your heart, might, mind and strength
the Lord does not expect us to do the impossible
it is not requisite that a man run faster than he has strength
we need to be the best we can be
by grace we are saved after all we can do
I have fought a good fight... I have kept the faith
it's possible to achieve the impossible
once resurrected the body and spirit cannot be parted
if there were angles in the past then why shouldn't there still be angels?
To whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life
salvation is not available on every street corner
we need to be humble and full of love
what is temperance?
why should we be temperate?
moderation, self control, humble, submissive, gentle...
beware pride
be diligent
tempered glass made not to break into sharp, jagged pieces
staying out of debt
preparedness= temperance
temperate in all things
my kindness shall not depart from thee
come unto him
open arms
mercy, safety, love, etc.
an invitation to repent
a loving appeal
mercy and love for the repentant
will ye not now return unto me and repent of your sins?...
take up his cross and follow me
what wouldst thou have me do
do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least part
Jesus knows how we feel
don't be discouraged
the Lord will forget even if we don't, sometimes we remember as a reminder not to repeat an offense
remember that the Lord has a different time table
repentance changes us and blesses the lives of our families
we can communicate always with Heavenly Father through prayer
we are the children of God
know ye not that ye are the temple of God...
through the atonement we can be washed clean
all good things come from God
pure intelligence can be spoken into the mind
listen to promptings of the spirit
heed them
the Lord has many ways to enlighten us
don't cut yourself off from communication with the Lord
you can always pray
all beings who have bodies have power over those who do not
you must study it out and ask if it be right...
prayer is your personal key to heaven
they will be done
remember that the Lord has a plan
draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you
the Prophet needs our prayers

As my typos have been becoming more frequent I think I'll post today's notes tomorrow.

General Conference Notes

Saturday Morning
five new temples
it's so important to get that temple work done
member missionaries
still praying for areas to be opened up to missionary work
depend upon the spirit to guide you
seek personal inspiration
we live far below our privileges
we need to learn and grow through faith
consistantly strive and it will grow easier
inspiration and power
to go and to do the things wish the lord has commanded
the spirit will bring impressions
what you need to hear
remember to have focus on principles, not how knowledgeable you are
study and pray
confirm your impressions with the Lord
is there more I should know?
respond and... to first impressions
the Lord will not force you to learn
control strong emotions
Satan wants to block spiritual communication
beware being lead carefully down to hell
keep yourself worthy to receive promptings and inspiration by the spirit
let virtue garnish your thoughts
in your heart and in your mind
pure intelligence
light
still and quite
come cast your burdens on the Lord
for my yoke is easy and my burden is light
burdens can also be blessings by humbling us etc.
even as I am, so ye should be
delivered in stages
"when we receive the truth, we will be saved by it..." Joseph F. Smith
teach to inspire
aim high
through the Lord all things are possible
express love and show it
do more of what we know is right and become better
if ye love me keep my commandments
live your testimony
be consistent
beware hypocrisy
how do we become true disciples
don't enforce your own agenda on things
don't get bogged down by little things and forget the more important matters
love is the great commandment
love is the answer and you know that for sure
do we truly understand?
why should we love God? What we love determines what and what we think and do
love defines us
God's love for us is infainant with no strings attached
there is always hope
through the atonement we can be forgiven, repent and come back
search for me with all your heart
demonstrate our love by aligning our lives with him
don't get discouraged
try
have hope
we can always start afresh
listen for his voice
draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you
love changes everything

PS I just saw Elder Cook in passing, how cool is that?

drawing

I decided to switch things up today and draw instead of paint. I haven't done a lot of drawing over the last few years e.g. since my last drawing class. I've sort of fallen out of practice, which led to disappointing results. I'll have to start practicing more, maybe the drawing I started this morning can still be made into a beautiful drawing, even if it's not one now. Maybe from now on I'll alternate days drawing and painting, that way I can keep from getting burnt out on one or the other. I also need to see about starting to practice figure drawing again, I'm hoping to take a month long figure drawing course next summer and I haven't done much figure drawing since the class I had my freshmen year. I meant to take more figure drawing classes but there were a lot of art classes that I would have liked to take and not enough room in my schedule to do so. Figure drawing is challenging both in the need to replicate a person well and in the fact that even the best models move and it's harder to draw something that's moving. An interesting thought, there's not a term for someone who draws, there's painters, printers, sculptors....have you ever heard of a draw-er?

catch up

Life is pretty busy lately, there's a lot going on. I'm excited for General Conference this weekend, the Relief Society meeting last week was really good too. I'm also excited because in about two weeks two of my cousins are getting married to the wonderful people they're engaged too. I've got a couple bookbinding projects that I'm working on and I'm excited about those, I haven't made any books for a while and these books are going to be really cool. I'm still working on my art and I'm applying to have another show. I'm taking another stab at working my way through the completle works of Shakespeare. I'm really excited for fall, there's something that can be really wonderful about cooler weather, it's no longer unbearable to think of turning on the oven just to bake something, so now maybe I can start baking things that I've wanted to make for a while...like pot pie....mmmm. Also due to the cold weather yesterday I decided we needed something warm to eat like soup, so I made some taco soup which turned out quite good. I've got another sewing project that's just waiting to be started. Life holds lot of adventures and each day is a new chance to do something awesome.